However this is abit of a cop out post because all it is saying is that I'm thinking of starting another blog soon to run along side this one. Whereas this one will cover the important subjects of zombies, rugby and other random stuff. The other one will be a place to put my random thoughts that don't really sit well along side the theme of this.
When I get around to start it, you will see what I mean.
Bye for now.
Thursday, 18 December 2008
Zombie Plans: Best case sernerio
There are two kinds of people in this world, those with zombie plans and those without, we like to call them dinner"
Zombie Plans
The above quote is from the zombie special of Red Vs Blue and never has a truer word been said by a Halo character. If you don't have your plan erm planned then you will end up as zombie dinner. So here are the basics that you should be looking at to make sure you live.
Rule 1: Always be on the look out for news articles that may concern zombies. Unexplained disappearance, strange deaths from bites that sort of thing. If they start to become common then it is time to activate your plan.
Rule 2: Have a safe place to run away to, if you are on the ball you will be able to get almost anywhere because you will know a good few days before the outbreak starts to break down society. This place should, if possible, be in a secluded place, have its own water source and a generator is always good. The first two of these are the most important.
Rule 3: Get your food ready, tinned goods, bottled water for the journey and in case anything goes wrong with your water supply should also be bought in bulk. You might even be that far ahead of the game that you have time to go to the supermarket and do a shop. Remember nobody can reclaim credit card bills when there is a zombie outbreak.
Rule 4: Travel in small groups, 5 max, if you are meeting more people, then arrange to meet them at the hideout. Large groups just make travel more complicated. If they don't turn up and your cannot get hold of them because the mobile phone networks have crashed don't go looking for them. It might sound harsh but it will save your life.
Rule 5: Bring useful supplies only, travel light. Look at my weapons post for more info on weapons. So if you fail to get to your hideout before the main wave of zombies come you aren't going to be dragging a huge suitcase around full of pointless things like computer consoles, cd players ect.
Rule 6: Remember to bring some form of entertainment though. Boardgames, books, a pack of cards. If every person in a group of 5 brings 2 or 3 books then that's a lot of reading to be had. Hell you can even pre-pack your hideaway with all sorts of goodies.
Rule 7: When you get to your hideaway, fill anything you can with water from the mains. The more water the better, you don't know how long this is going to last.
Rule 8: Remember medical supplies. Also if you have a doctor friend bring them along. If they don't believe in zombies then tell them it is a surprise holiday or something.
Rule 9: Fortify your hideaway if possible. Add layers of defence, fall back points ect. A nice look out tower will prove useful too. To see both zombies and humans.
Rule 10: Pack lots of condoms, one they are useful for keeping things dry if you have to abandon your hideaway and walk to a new place. Also nobody wants to have a baby in the land of the dead. Although they might be useful for bait... (joke, please don't feed babies to the zombies)
These are the basic rules, follow them and you will stand a good chance of living.
Good Luck.
The above quote is from the zombie special of Red Vs Blue and never has a truer word been said by a Halo character. If you don't have your plan erm planned then you will end up as zombie dinner. So here are the basics that you should be looking at to make sure you live.
Rule 1: Always be on the look out for news articles that may concern zombies. Unexplained disappearance, strange deaths from bites that sort of thing. If they start to become common then it is time to activate your plan.
Rule 2: Have a safe place to run away to, if you are on the ball you will be able to get almost anywhere because you will know a good few days before the outbreak starts to break down society. This place should, if possible, be in a secluded place, have its own water source and a generator is always good. The first two of these are the most important.
Rule 3: Get your food ready, tinned goods, bottled water for the journey and in case anything goes wrong with your water supply should also be bought in bulk. You might even be that far ahead of the game that you have time to go to the supermarket and do a shop. Remember nobody can reclaim credit card bills when there is a zombie outbreak.
Rule 4: Travel in small groups, 5 max, if you are meeting more people, then arrange to meet them at the hideout. Large groups just make travel more complicated. If they don't turn up and your cannot get hold of them because the mobile phone networks have crashed don't go looking for them. It might sound harsh but it will save your life.
Rule 5: Bring useful supplies only, travel light. Look at my weapons post for more info on weapons. So if you fail to get to your hideout before the main wave of zombies come you aren't going to be dragging a huge suitcase around full of pointless things like computer consoles, cd players ect.
Rule 6: Remember to bring some form of entertainment though. Boardgames, books, a pack of cards. If every person in a group of 5 brings 2 or 3 books then that's a lot of reading to be had. Hell you can even pre-pack your hideaway with all sorts of goodies.
Rule 7: When you get to your hideaway, fill anything you can with water from the mains. The more water the better, you don't know how long this is going to last.
Rule 8: Remember medical supplies. Also if you have a doctor friend bring them along. If they don't believe in zombies then tell them it is a surprise holiday or something.
Rule 9: Fortify your hideaway if possible. Add layers of defence, fall back points ect. A nice look out tower will prove useful too. To see both zombies and humans.
Rule 10: Pack lots of condoms, one they are useful for keeping things dry if you have to abandon your hideaway and walk to a new place. Also nobody wants to have a baby in the land of the dead. Although they might be useful for bait... (joke, please don't feed babies to the zombies)
These are the basic rules, follow them and you will stand a good chance of living.
Good Luck.
Sunday, 14 December 2008
My sporting review of the year
It's the end of the year, which can only mean one thing, filler! Yeah it's the end of the year sporting review, well awards, as made up by me.
Best Sporting Event - The Olympics, well it couldn't really be anything else now could it? 2 weeks of solid sport and British over achievement. And we finished above the aussies!
Best Sporting Event I was actually there for - Super League Grand Final. Brilliant stuff, with Leeds Rhinos winning against all the odds. Everybody already had the Red and White Ribbons of St Helens on the trophy but Leeds had other ideas and the atmosphere was electric.
British Sporting person of the year- Well it could be any of the cyclists really couldn't it but I'm going to go for Chris Hoy. Don't really need to say more because the BBC said it all tonight.
Foreign Sports Star of the Year -Usain Bolt, no matter what Phelps did, he didn't jog the 100 metres in 9.69 seconds did he? Bolt made it look so easy, set 3 world records in the process. He won all that he could win (just like Phelps) but he did it with more style.
Team of the Year - GB Cycling team. They dominated the world of track cycling like no other British team has dominated a sport. All but one person (poor old Cav) won a medal at the Olympics, we won more medals on the track at the Olympics than everybody else put together. Shows the way forward for the rest of our sports, invest in the best and train them and they will give you the results.
Comeback of the year - Has to be Wiggins and Super Cav in the Madison. Needing to gain a lap to have any chance of winning the title with just 20 laps to go they stormed back to gain the lap and win the gold. The Manchester Velodrome was on fire (well looked like it on the telly anyway) and it set the tone for the year.
Worst Team of the year - England RL team. They went down under full of confidence, only to scrape past PNG, be destroyed by the Aussies, throw away a 20 point lead against the Kiwis and then make a string of basic mistakes to rob themselves of a place in the final. The players made mistakes that they would never do playing for their clubs. It was embarrassing.
The "It couldn't happen to a nicer team award" - Basically put, the award for a team that is the most arrogant and they lost and it was fun to watch them lose. Before I get to the winner, honourable mention to the Ferrari F1 Team for their reaction after the last race of the championship, classic. Also an honourable mention to the St Helens team before the Grand Final, despite talking about how they weren't going to go into the match thinking they had already won it, the reaction of James Graham scoring the first try showed the truth. However the award has to go to the Aussies RL Team. We were told they were the greatest team that had ever played the sport, they walked their way to the final and yet they lost in their own backyard. Brilliant stuff.
The Personality of the year award- Not like the BBC one, this goes to a sports star that has a personality and it has to go to Mark Cavendish. After winning 4 stages of the Tour, every interview was a joy to listen to. A Brit with confidence! He knows he is good, he knows he is the best but he is the right side of the confident/arrogance line.
Most predictable story of the year - Positive drug tests in the Tour De France. This is threatening to destroy the sport and the teams need to act now to cut it out or the tour will die.
Most surprising story of the year - Lance Armstrong announce his comeback. WTF! Why risk ruining the legend.
Best Sporting Event - The Olympics, well it couldn't really be anything else now could it? 2 weeks of solid sport and British over achievement. And we finished above the aussies!
Best Sporting Event I was actually there for - Super League Grand Final. Brilliant stuff, with Leeds Rhinos winning against all the odds. Everybody already had the Red and White Ribbons of St Helens on the trophy but Leeds had other ideas and the atmosphere was electric.
British Sporting person of the year- Well it could be any of the cyclists really couldn't it but I'm going to go for Chris Hoy. Don't really need to say more because the BBC said it all tonight.
Foreign Sports Star of the Year -Usain Bolt, no matter what Phelps did, he didn't jog the 100 metres in 9.69 seconds did he? Bolt made it look so easy, set 3 world records in the process. He won all that he could win (just like Phelps) but he did it with more style.
Team of the Year - GB Cycling team. They dominated the world of track cycling like no other British team has dominated a sport. All but one person (poor old Cav) won a medal at the Olympics, we won more medals on the track at the Olympics than everybody else put together. Shows the way forward for the rest of our sports, invest in the best and train them and they will give you the results.
Comeback of the year - Has to be Wiggins and Super Cav in the Madison. Needing to gain a lap to have any chance of winning the title with just 20 laps to go they stormed back to gain the lap and win the gold. The Manchester Velodrome was on fire (well looked like it on the telly anyway) and it set the tone for the year.
Worst Team of the year - England RL team. They went down under full of confidence, only to scrape past PNG, be destroyed by the Aussies, throw away a 20 point lead against the Kiwis and then make a string of basic mistakes to rob themselves of a place in the final. The players made mistakes that they would never do playing for their clubs. It was embarrassing.
The "It couldn't happen to a nicer team award" - Basically put, the award for a team that is the most arrogant and they lost and it was fun to watch them lose. Before I get to the winner, honourable mention to the Ferrari F1 Team for their reaction after the last race of the championship, classic. Also an honourable mention to the St Helens team before the Grand Final, despite talking about how they weren't going to go into the match thinking they had already won it, the reaction of James Graham scoring the first try showed the truth. However the award has to go to the Aussies RL Team. We were told they were the greatest team that had ever played the sport, they walked their way to the final and yet they lost in their own backyard. Brilliant stuff.
The Personality of the year award- Not like the BBC one, this goes to a sports star that has a personality and it has to go to Mark Cavendish. After winning 4 stages of the Tour, every interview was a joy to listen to. A Brit with confidence! He knows he is good, he knows he is the best but he is the right side of the confident/arrogance line.
Most predictable story of the year - Positive drug tests in the Tour De France. This is threatening to destroy the sport and the teams need to act now to cut it out or the tour will die.
Most surprising story of the year - Lance Armstrong announce his comeback. WTF! Why risk ruining the legend.
Monday, 8 December 2008
Zombie Review: Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead
This is the most fun you will have playing co-op this year, even more fun than Gears of War 2, yes it's that good.
Ok now I have got the big statement out of the way here is my review and you are about to learn why I don't work for a computer game magazine.
First off don't buy this game if you have no friends to play it with, as it really is a co-op only game although you can play it with bots, it's just not as fun. The bots are good enough, for starters they never friendly fire and they will never leave a man behind however it's playing with your mates where this game comes into its own. What is more fun than mowing down zombies with your mates? In the world of computer games, almost nothing. Then when one of the special infected attack, screaming "Hunter" or TANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKK!" while everybody panics, it just gets better.
On to the game itself, with only 4 levels that take about one hour each to complete it isn't the deepest of games, however each level meets the standards that we have come to expect from Valve and each one has a unique feel and assuming that we are getting some DLC then we will be seeing some more top levels in future, hopefully involving vehicles, I mean how fun would it be with one person driving a truck while the rest have to kill the zombies chasing you!
Another slight flaw with the characters is that they are all basically the same, just with different skins, it would have been nice if there were some differences between them, like one could run faster or one could hold more than one med pack to add some more tactical elements to the game.
This is basically the game that any zombie fan has being wating for for the past, well ever, it maybe simple in it's appoarch, go from point A to point B while fighting off zombies but never has linear co-op been this fun. If you like zombies, have friends and a PC or 360 then buy this game. You will not regret it.
Saturday, 29 November 2008
Desert Bus For Hope
What's the best way that you have ever heard of someone rising money for a worthwhile cause? Because I can pretty much grantee that it's not as good as this. Desert Bus for Hope.
Now for those of you that do not know, Desert Bus is a game from the Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors game that involves the player driving from Tuscon to Las Vegas in real time. Yep in real time, it takes 8 hours, it cannot be paused and the bus veers to the right so the player cannot just tape the go button down.
Now these guys are playing it for charity, yes they are playing the most boring game over and over again. The more money that is donated the longer they play. They have already been at it for 20hours, oh and you can watch them do it if you really want.
The charity in question is called Child's Play that uses the money it rises to provide hospitals with games and toys for kids. Pretty worth while I think.
So next time a bloody "charity" worker in the street of Leeds to ask me for money, I'm going to point them in the direction of people like this, who actual give a toss about the charity they are helping and not just a commission they get for signing someone up.
Now for those of you that do not know, Desert Bus is a game from the Penn & Teller's Smoke and Mirrors game that involves the player driving from Tuscon to Las Vegas in real time. Yep in real time, it takes 8 hours, it cannot be paused and the bus veers to the right so the player cannot just tape the go button down.
Now these guys are playing it for charity, yes they are playing the most boring game over and over again. The more money that is donated the longer they play. They have already been at it for 20hours, oh and you can watch them do it if you really want.
The charity in question is called Child's Play that uses the money it rises to provide hospitals with games and toys for kids. Pretty worth while I think.
So next time a bloody "charity" worker in the street of Leeds to ask me for money, I'm going to point them in the direction of people like this, who actual give a toss about the charity they are helping and not just a commission they get for signing someone up.
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
Things that annoy me
Here is a list of things that annoy me and why, most of these were brought on by a trip to the cinema yesterday to see the new Bond film.
1. Popcorn - Ok it's not popcorn but it's the popcorn in the context of the cinema. I can hear some of you now saying "But wait, popcorn is an important part of going to the cinema how can you hate it" Well it's because it's a snack that is bloody loud! Who thought that a snack that is loud when eaten was a good idea at a place where silence is required to fully enjoy the experience. Do they sell it at a library? no I thought not, at a funeral home, nope but for some reason it is ok to sell it at the cinema. There are plenty of snacks that don't make as much sound when eaten that they could sell at an inflated cost but not it has to be bloody popcorn!
2. People who talk all the way through a film at the cinema. If you want to do this do it at the pub not when you have paid to watch things. I don't mind if you talk through the adverts but through the whole film? fuck off. This goes for people who use mobile phones in the cinema as well, if you cannot life without your mobile for 90mins than you really need to take a good look at yourself.
3. Finally to rugby union, no I'm not going to slag off the game itself, I think that the product does that well enough by itself. Instead I'm going to get stuck into the England fans who sing Swing Low Sweet Chariot for some reason. It's a slave song and yet some of the poshest most upper class people thing it's a good song to support one of the most backward thinking organisations in English sport? I'm sure the irony is not lost on anybody but the fans who sit in the stands of Twickenham.
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Day of the Dead - Reviews
I had the pleasure of going to the Day of the Dead event today. What this entailed was going to the wonderful Leeds City Varieties at mid day and watching 5 horror films, the last of which finished at about 11.30. There was also a number of shorts, some where good (the animated one involving an old guy being sold a machine that could take him to heaven) some were ok (Bitten, basically a zombie/werewolf/them things from descent type film), some were shit (Island, spooky going ons on erm an Island) and some just made no sense (a French one involving bowling)
Anyway here are my reviews of the 5 films I show today.
The Disappeared
This was about a lad who comes home from a mental hospital and tries to get on with his life following the disappearance of his brother. However he starts to hear and then see his brother all other the place and this starts him on a journey towards finding out what happened to him.
As you can tell from the description, the films plot is pretty basic and anybody who has seen any horror film in the last 10 years will see the twists from a mile off. However that is the film's weakest point, the acting is really good, especially Harry Treadaway, who plays the main role (Matthew) and the direction (debut by Johnny Kevorkian) brings out all the right emotions in the viewer and nails the atmosphere.
3/5
Nightmare Detective
A Japanese film from Tsukamoto which is bloody bizarre. The plot revolves around two people who can go into people's dreams, one goes to help them and the other to kill them, well force them to kill themselves. All while a group of detectives try to catch the bad one.
The first 2/3rds of this film is really rather good, with the story been set and then played out at a good pace with some fine acting going on. However then the final act comes and it's a real big mess mainly because it takes place in the dream of the lady detective. This leads to it jumping about from location to location making it really hard to follow.
The film also has some surprisingly good bits of humour in it, even in the closing stages although it is debatable to whether this was intention or not.
If you can follow the final act there is a really good film hidden among the cracks.
3/5
Mum and Dad
This was introduced as the Royale Family (as in Jim not Charles) meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre however I would prefer to describe it as behind the scenes of Tubbs and Edward's house in the League of Gentlemen. As you can imagine it's pretty messed up, putting a British spin on the 'Goreno' genre.
It's very dark and although there isn't much graphic violence on screen compared to something like Hostel, it is still pretty gory or a better word might be brutal.
The film's USP is that the people carrying out the violence are a family that live in a normal house next to Heathrow and it really works quite well. Unlike Hostel, the characters are developed beyond the "we really like to kill people in horrible ways" and you get to experience the set up of the family and how they interact with each other. It is by far the best example of 'Goreno' I have seen.
4/5
Sexy Killer
The plot of this horror comedy is that a girl, yes a girl, is the scary killer, she also happens to be sexy. Basic I admit but it does take one awesome twist in the final act that is simply brilliant and will please any but the most cold horror fans.
I have this to say about this film, it is the most I have laughed at the cinema in a long long time. It's brilliant fun, to those who said that parody is dead, well I present Sexy Killer. From the opening 5 mins where it turns all the rules of horror on their heads to the very last shot, there are plenty of laughs. It references numerous Hollywood films along the way and does it in a way that makes sense and is funny, I hope the people who make the Epic films are taking notes.
It's really really fun, that's the best thing I can say about, go see it if you have a chance.
5/5
Martyrs
Which brings me to the final film, now before I get stunk into this Kermode style, let me fill you in on the hype that surrounded this. I was told by the guy who introduced it that it's one of the most controversial films ever and that people have walked out of it to be sick, personally I think they were just walking out though, as it's one of the worst films I have ever seen.
The plot revolves around a girl taking revenge on a family that kept her captive as a child before she escape. She is haunted by a demon thing that hurts her and then there is some more crap that happens at the end.
Where as we saw earlier the British taking the 'Goreno' genre and putting their unique spin on it by making it dark, here the French do what they do best and make something pretentious crap. Yes this film is trying to make a point with a torture porn film and not a very good one at that, at least Roth knows what makes these films (boobies and gore for anybody who doesn't know) Instead this film decides that it is better than anything else and is going to court controverstry where ever it goes (it does have some pretty horrible scenes in it). But it doesn't have the talent to pull it off, the acting is average at very best, the direction is by the books stuff (Haneke he aint) and the message is terrible and make no sense in relation to the title. Yes it follows the original definition of martyr (witness) but who uses the word in that context these days or in fact ever. They made a film called Martyr without a bloody Martyr in it!
Somehow this got a round of applause at the end. Those people cleanly weren't watching the same film as me or the people set next to me. If you want clever meaningful violence watch 'Funny Games', if you want to see something new on the 'Goreno' theme, watch 'Mum and Dad' and if you just want plain old boobies and horrible violence watch 'Hostel'. However if you want pretentious wank that has no meaning no matter how much it pretends to, watch Martyr.
0/5
Apart from the last film I had a really good day and in the end even that film has let me vent. I will be going next year given half the chance, hope some of you can join me there!
Anyway here are my reviews of the 5 films I show today.
The Disappeared
This was about a lad who comes home from a mental hospital and tries to get on with his life following the disappearance of his brother. However he starts to hear and then see his brother all other the place and this starts him on a journey towards finding out what happened to him.
As you can tell from the description, the films plot is pretty basic and anybody who has seen any horror film in the last 10 years will see the twists from a mile off. However that is the film's weakest point, the acting is really good, especially Harry Treadaway, who plays the main role (Matthew) and the direction (debut by Johnny Kevorkian) brings out all the right emotions in the viewer and nails the atmosphere.
3/5
Nightmare Detective
A Japanese film from Tsukamoto which is bloody bizarre. The plot revolves around two people who can go into people's dreams, one goes to help them and the other to kill them, well force them to kill themselves. All while a group of detectives try to catch the bad one.
The first 2/3rds of this film is really rather good, with the story been set and then played out at a good pace with some fine acting going on. However then the final act comes and it's a real big mess mainly because it takes place in the dream of the lady detective. This leads to it jumping about from location to location making it really hard to follow.
The film also has some surprisingly good bits of humour in it, even in the closing stages although it is debatable to whether this was intention or not.
If you can follow the final act there is a really good film hidden among the cracks.
3/5
Mum and Dad
This was introduced as the Royale Family (as in Jim not Charles) meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre however I would prefer to describe it as behind the scenes of Tubbs and Edward's house in the League of Gentlemen. As you can imagine it's pretty messed up, putting a British spin on the 'Goreno' genre.
It's very dark and although there isn't much graphic violence on screen compared to something like Hostel, it is still pretty gory or a better word might be brutal.
The film's USP is that the people carrying out the violence are a family that live in a normal house next to Heathrow and it really works quite well. Unlike Hostel, the characters are developed beyond the "we really like to kill people in horrible ways" and you get to experience the set up of the family and how they interact with each other. It is by far the best example of 'Goreno' I have seen.
4/5
Sexy Killer
The plot of this horror comedy is that a girl, yes a girl, is the scary killer, she also happens to be sexy. Basic I admit but it does take one awesome twist in the final act that is simply brilliant and will please any but the most cold horror fans.
I have this to say about this film, it is the most I have laughed at the cinema in a long long time. It's brilliant fun, to those who said that parody is dead, well I present Sexy Killer. From the opening 5 mins where it turns all the rules of horror on their heads to the very last shot, there are plenty of laughs. It references numerous Hollywood films along the way and does it in a way that makes sense and is funny, I hope the people who make the Epic films are taking notes.
It's really really fun, that's the best thing I can say about, go see it if you have a chance.
5/5
Martyrs
Which brings me to the final film, now before I get stunk into this Kermode style, let me fill you in on the hype that surrounded this. I was told by the guy who introduced it that it's one of the most controversial films ever and that people have walked out of it to be sick, personally I think they were just walking out though, as it's one of the worst films I have ever seen.
The plot revolves around a girl taking revenge on a family that kept her captive as a child before she escape. She is haunted by a demon thing that hurts her and then there is some more crap that happens at the end.
Where as we saw earlier the British taking the 'Goreno' genre and putting their unique spin on it by making it dark, here the French do what they do best and make something pretentious crap. Yes this film is trying to make a point with a torture porn film and not a very good one at that, at least Roth knows what makes these films (boobies and gore for anybody who doesn't know) Instead this film decides that it is better than anything else and is going to court controverstry where ever it goes (it does have some pretty horrible scenes in it). But it doesn't have the talent to pull it off, the acting is average at very best, the direction is by the books stuff (Haneke he aint) and the message is terrible and make no sense in relation to the title. Yes it follows the original definition of martyr (witness) but who uses the word in that context these days or in fact ever. They made a film called Martyr without a bloody Martyr in it!
Somehow this got a round of applause at the end. Those people cleanly weren't watching the same film as me or the people set next to me. If you want clever meaningful violence watch 'Funny Games', if you want to see something new on the 'Goreno' theme, watch 'Mum and Dad' and if you just want plain old boobies and horrible violence watch 'Hostel'. However if you want pretentious wank that has no meaning no matter how much it pretends to, watch Martyr.
0/5
Apart from the last film I had a really good day and in the end even that film has let me vent. I will be going next year given half the chance, hope some of you can join me there!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)